Wanted:

for solicitation of an elliptical machine

MUGSHOT

The other night I was using my home elliptical machine in such a manner that must have been deemed inappropriate or highly suggestive. I bent forward to get the remote to pause "True Beauty," as it was at a crucial point in the Hall of Beauty, and the elliptical handle attempted to shove itself in my mouth.

What makes it think I am that type of girl?

I was immediately taken downtown with a busted lip.