Saturday night I was the dry bear (Filipino for driver) hence I am completely able to relay the evening as a reliable and confident source.
Girls night out Saturday night started at a bar that our neighbor was subbing as the lead singer for a Bon Jovi cover band. It goes without saying we quickly became the band and the entertainment. So much so, that when we decided to leave and go to a place called the Crowd Around You, the bar decided it was in its best interest to close up for the night.
I envisioned that Crowd Around You was some sort of old time piano bar. I pictured us gathering (or crowding, if you will) around a smiling old chap tickling the ivories while we harmonized, arms around each others' shoulders, swaying back and forth to "That'll Be the Day"and a variety of Neil Diamond. I, of course, would drape myself across the piano in a red velvet evening gown to the uproarious laughter of my posse.
Instead, the instant I stepped in the door of the local Crotch Around You, I was slapped in the face with the stench of filthy, sweaty flesh, seizure inducing flashing lights and recycled stale air emitting from the smoke machine. No piano and the only old chap present happened to be looking up girl's skirts near the dance floor.
I was shoved out of the way by a chick making a beeline back to the dance floor from the ladies' washroom (the 'wash' being highly skeptical.) I allowed her to manhandle past me without issue because the woman appeared to have a tragic skin disease so dire that the skin was peeling off her forehead in giant chunks. Oh, wait. No. Just toliet paper that she used to wipe off putrid dance sweat. Next!
We hit the dance floor and tried with desperate resolve to get Karyn to dance. Our efforts paid off, here she is dancing with JBear:
Noteworthy items:
- Our attention was drawn away from grinding ourselves in the floor to ceiling mirrors as we heard Heather screaming, "SUCK ME?? Did you say SUCK ME??" at a chick standing next to her.
- Yes, I did motorboat my sister-in-law's crotch.
- Yes, I encouraged one of our recently endowed posse members to take her top off. All night long.
Thank goodness one of my husband's best friends showed up. His being there ensured I wouldn't act out in an inappropriate manner:
After being out until 2 am, being the dedicated parents that we are, we took our kids bowling early the next morning. We slept on the couch while the kids played poker.
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